As we board the airplane my brother and I so excited to land, we anxiously wait for our plane to dock. We know as soon as were gonna get there, were going to check in and go shopping a little. The first day we get to Los Angeles is usually not that exciting.. But it's the second day were looking forward to because we know thats when we get to spend the whole day at Disney Land with our whole family. Now Disney Land isn't just a special place to go to with the whole family, but its a place where we can all be ourselves. No need to dress to impress, put a whole mask of makeup on or even put on a whole different personality. Because we all already know each other so well that theres no point to go through all that. And it's not like you're going to find someone you like there because most of the people that go to Disney Land are all tourists.
Also, whenever we go there, everyone is always happy and theres usually no fights going on. Thats what I like best about our trips to Disney Land. No fighting, no screaming, and no ripping each others heads off. Usually someone in our family is fighting with another, whether it be the older people in the family or the younger people. However, right before the trip, it all gets resolved with no hard feelings. Thats why Disney Land is my Querenica because I can be who I want to me without worrying who I might run into and because my family is with me. They are the ones that made me be how I am today. They've been with me through everything, thick and thin, for sick and for worse. And no matter how much we fight, we always make up and make the best of the day .
3 comments:
Hii Lina(:
Your essay, (which I very much enjoyed reading by the way:) is a lot like explaining that you go to Disneyland a lot. I like how you go in order of time, and explain those parts. I also like how you explain why this is your querencia, but actually explain why it is before saying why. Another thing is that your essay is very relatable, and you can see as a typical family all of these things would happen.
Some things I think you could improve on is the sensory details. Such as, "As we board the airplane my brother and I so excited to land, we anxiously wait for our plane to dock. We know as soon as were gonna get there, were going to check in and go shopping a little. " How does it feel around you, what does it look like? Smell & more. Another thing is that you could make the essay a little more specific. Maybe a certain trip? Or just a brief moment that made you pick Disneyland your querencia.
Other than that I really like how I can see what you are saying and I am really looking forward to your final(:
Hey Lina!
I liked your essay alot. It was very organized and each sentence seemed to have flown into each other. I really liked how you explained how whenever you & your family were to be at Disneyland, there wouldn't be any fighting, screaming, etc. Like Joy said, it was easy to see where you were coming from & what you're trying to say.
& Again, as Joy said, I think you could improve on using sensory details. I think you should include things such as what you see while your landing or about to land, (like how you see the view of the city from a birds-eye view), what happens when you finally arrive at the airport, what you see, what you hear (bags rolling, etc.), the car ride to Disneyland, and details such as what you see as you enter Disneyland, such as each section, (the big train station, the big letters in the front, the princess castle, etc.)
Anyway, I think your essay would come out excellent if you would include more specific details (listed above). I will be looking forward to seeing your final!
Hi Lina,
How often do you go to Disneyland? Sounds like it happens often :)
That said, however, I'm not convinced it is a querencia. It seems to be more the fact that your family is going somewhere together that makes you feel comfortable, etc. not the place itself. There is also little, if any, description of the place to "show" not "tell" why it is special. Notice how many times Joy uses the word "explain"? That should be a clue about what needs to be revised.
But, before you start revising, give it more thought. Disneyland was one of the places I warned the class to stay away from for a topic...so you're going to have to do a really good job to prove that it is truly a "querencia" and not just a favorite destination.
mrs s
Post a Comment