loveee is what makes you smile when you’re tired (; A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

Monday, November 14, 2011

KC3 draft !

With everyone portraying that hawaii is such a beautiful place, it’s so hard to believe that theres so much homeless people here living on the streets of oahu. Also to adding to that, the economics is not recovering fast enough for people to get decent paying jobs. And the living cost is just ridiculously high since all the things are imported to hawaii because were such an isolated island. Hawaii is a beautiful place, but there is also some bad sides. For example, hawaii has a lot of homeless living on the streets, beaches, and even at the parks. But with the governments help, like Governor Abercombie’s 90-day plan and everything else that their trying to do, we can change that. 
Governor Neil Abercobie’s 90-day plan has already been put into affect since it was created to move all the homeless before APEC happens. With such a big event coming up, everyone wants to make Hawaii look more appealing so more tourist comes and visits Hawaii. But with that being said, we need to clean up around here. For example, we need  help move the homeless off the streets and back onto their feet. And we can achieve that by moving them into homeless shelters, finding them jobs, and moving them into affordable permanent housing. With the governor’s big push to get everybody off the streets, various governments, community groups, nonprofits, community and faith based organizations, businesses, shelters, and outreach services have all come together to focus on coordinating efforts to resolving the homeless problem in the state. But in order to succeed in this effort, we need to maintain our focus on long-term solutions that get people off the streets and into permanent housing. 
Men and women aren’t the only ones being forced to live on the streets.. But also families. With Hawaii being such a isolated island, it’s hard to find some good paying jobs here. And to support a family ? That’s ten times harder. Along with finding decent paying jobs that can support everybody, there’s also the high costs of living. Everything in hawaii get’s imported from the mainland or from asia which just makes life harder by having such high prices for food. And, the cost to just rent a studio is ridiculously high. With the prices for a studio going up to 1,000 dollars a month ! So from all that, you really think a family can maintain all that with no trouble ? All the government is doing right now are kicking people off the street’s by making laws such as a eviction notice. But just because their kick them off that the one street doesn’t mean there going to find affordable housing. All their going to do is pack their things up and move to a different spot. The government need to help the homeless, not kick them off to another street. They need to encourage them to get back onto their feet’s and find a permanent housing, or look for a decent paying job. 
So you must be wondering how are the government kicking the homeless of the streets ? Do they just tell them to move or what ? Well, the get lost act obviously doesn’t work because they would never leave. But for the people that live along the side walk of Beretania Street across from Aala Park, they got an eviction notice telling them to move before the next day. You may seem to think that’s a little harsh but it isn’t. The people who live, work and walk by that street every single day thinks it’s an eyesore to look at. And in my opinion I think so too. Something that Govener Neil Abercombie is trying to do is to lessen the amount of food local organizations and etc. give out to the homeless. The governor's homeless coordinator says that kind of service doesn’t get people out of homelessness. Just because your helping them out with food and water does not mean your helping out their life. “We know what they're doing isn't really working because they're getting more homeless, not less homeless,” said Marc Alexander. They are trying to get the off the streets and support themselves. Not reply on some local groups giving out food. 
So with all that being said, homelessness is a big problem here in Hawaii. And we need to help stop it because there are just too many people crowding up the streets that it’s an eyesore to look at and it is also humbug for us since there is always almost no room to walk on the sidewalks with all the tents pitched up. But with the governments  help and all the eviction notices there giving out, we can change that. All the homeless people need are an extra push to go back into the real world and get themselves back up to where they left off. And with the governments help, we can put them into shelters, have them talk to counselors and help them find jobs/ permanent housing so they can be back onto their feet. 

4 comments:

Maurice said...

Hey linabeanax3!!! Haha!

First, I just want to tell you GOOD JOB!!! You have ALOT of voice in this, which really brings out your essay 10x more. Shows that you have a lot of potential :) The 2nd to the last paragraph made me giggle a little because you were like "OR WHAT?" Haha (a little too much emphasis on that on my part) & it's sooo you! Haha.

ANYWAY --- excellent word choice & paragraph organization! Everything flowed into one another and I never "left my seat" as I was reading your essay. But I think you should proofread your essay one more time because I noticed some errors such as in the first paragraph, "Also to adding to that.." and the spelling of "Governer" such as in the 2nd to last paragraph when it's really supposed to be "Governor". & I also think you should change from "With such a big event coming up..." to "With this big event coming up..." because for me, I thought you we're talking about a different event for a second, lol. (Maybe that's just me, who knows o_0)

Great essay! After you revise this, I think your essay will turn out great. Good luck!!!! See you tomorrow :)

- Maurice

Austin Debina said...

I think it was pretty good but to me it sounded like you were reapeating the facts over and over. I dont know if you were really doing that or maybe it just sounded like the facts were stated at different times and rephrased. But good job!

Joshjv said...

"With such a big event coming up, everyone wants to make Hawaii look more appealing so more tourist comes and visits Hawaii", "But just because their kick them off that the one street doesn’t mean there going to find affordable housing", "The government need to help the homeless, not kick them off to another street.", "So you must be wondering how are the government kicking the homeless of the streets" don't really sound right, go check on them. overall its really good actually and it definitely had your voice in it. and paragraph 1 is too close to paragraph 2

lsueoka said...

Hi Lina,

You have some information about the homeless problem, but it is not as specific as it could be. You talk about organizations that help the homeless, but do not mention specific ones by name. You talk about it being hard to support a family and find a place to live, but, again, don't give specifics.
You also repeat ideas and support. I think a clearer, more focused thesis, would help to correct that.
Also proofread very carefully. There are too many careless grammatical errors. The word "there/their/they're" is overused and misspelled in several places in the essay.
I think if you try to focus your thesis better, the rest of the essay will be easier to shape.
mrs s