Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on
you, and describe that influence.
When given this question to
others, the most commonly found answer would be their parents. Either it is
their mom or dad. But not mines. Yes, my parents have been an influence in my
life, but the main one who has had a significant influence on me is my auntie,
Auntie Kelly. Growing up with my father and five other kids in Vung Tau, South
Vietnam. Life wasn’t exactly easy for them growing up as kids. Vietnam isn’t necessarily
a rich country. So growing up they didn’t have the most coushioniest life ever.
When she reached the age 10 my
grandma and grandpa decided to move their whole family to Honolulu, Hawaii
hoping it was going to be a new opportunity for them. Growing up as a kid for me, I would always
stick with my auntie. She even said her self, “ Lina was a magnet to me.
Everywhere I went, she would come with me.” Although not all the things she
does it the best example ever, I still push those aside and learn from the good
ones. Being a single mother and an independent storeowner, I learned many
things from her.
I’ve
learned to have a lot of responsibility. Since I was constantly with her as a
little kid, I would always help out. Throughout the years, my auntie has had quite
a few stores. From having a space at the flea market selling jewelry, a store
located in downtown selling jewelry as well to her own company named Island
Girls Shoe Company. By her having all these stores, I eventually would have
little jobs here and there that I was able to do. By having these small jobs
here and there, it taught me some responsibility. For example, I had to make
sure I was doing what I was supposed to do and not fool around.
Also, with my auntie being a
single mother, it shows me how much stronger she is handling everything by
herself. Watching her supporting herself and her daughter is amazing. How she
manages to keep up in her busy schedule from work to her 5 year old daughter is
just truly impacting.
4 comments:
Heyyy Lina! (:
I enjoyed reading the beginning of your essay because it made me want to read more. Why do you find your aunt Kelly more of an inspiration to you? Why not your parents? This reels the reader in. As I read into the essay there are a few things I'd like to point out. In the sentence about Vietnam, "Vietnam isn’t necessarily a rich country." I think there could be a better word than necessarily because the word doesn't make much sense in the sentence. Also, like "coushionest", I don't think its a word. ;P You should try and sound more mature because you're "writing" an essay to a university.
But then despite everything I like where the story is headed and I wish to know more. Like how (more) how did your aunt teach you responsibility? How did everything tie into you and your aunt (detailed conclusion)? I can't really explain, but I was to know moreee! haha.
Okay girl, I hope you take my comment into consideration cause I can see a good essay coming out. Good luck!
You have to watch for awkward placing of words or un-wanted words. Also you have to really explain to us how your aunty (not auntie) has impacted you. If you chose her above your parents you really need to show us and not just tell us about her. Avoid the usual she has taught me to be responsibility but really show us how she has made you become more responsible.
i like your eassy alot like adara said your begining is a great hook for people to keep on reading i like how you mention everything on how our family decided to come to hawai this is a good esaay keep it up
good job
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